April 2nd, 2008, One Year Gone:

One year ago my big beautiful boy, Blocker, my stunning, amazing German Shepherd, left this world for the one beyond, yet his vast presence still remains in my heart as the highest experience of undaunted love in my life. His place in my world, now lost and gone forever, can not be estimated nor replaced. The canyon his transition has left in my heart remains deep and wide. I am grateful beyond words for his gift; the opportunity to share 8 years of my life with him. I can only hope to see him again someday.

I miss him. So very, very much. His family misses him as well.

Blocker’s mother, sister, and his mate, Bella.

On this sad day of remembrance, Blocker’s sister, Blue-bleu, age 9, his mother, Tara, who is 14 and still doing well, and his widow, Bella, sit together in his old bed, which is big enough for all three of them. All four of Blocker’s siblings are healthy and doing well.

I have left this site alone for some time now. For a while working on it was healing, perhaps bittersweet, remembering, honoring, but the time came when it was only painful. The time will come when I can add more memories to celebrate his life, not just to mourn its passing. I thank all of you for all your love and support of me. Peace to you and yours.

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Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007, 8:30AM. Blocker’s Passing-

Hello, kind people. Blocker, my big sweet beautiful boy, having felt like he’d taught me all he could teach me in his physical form, transitioned early this morning at about 1:20 AM. In keeping with his golden wolf-like appearance, a giant orange full moon was arcing across the clear night sky, like Blocker running a slow sweep through a midnight field, chasing foxes. Blocker chased the moon Home last night, to continue protecting and teaching me in non-physical form. He was surrounded by his family and friends when he heard and heeded the Call, and laid down with his head in Dove’s lap. Swiftly the arrow flies to its welcoming target.

We had, not too long before, gone outside, he carrying his beloved frisbee as he walked beside us. Sitting for a while in the night air, we had given him our permission and blessing to go on to do whatever tasks he needed to do.

I can only hope to live up to his unwavering devotion to me, and honor with integrity his faith in me whilst I bide my time until, at last, I see him again.

I, for the moment, cannot imagine life without him. He will be sorely missed.

thanks for all your love and support,

tom

(and blocker sends his love and thanks….)
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Tuesday, April 3, 2007, 11PM.

Rolling winds pushed grumbling, spitting thunderclouds above us as we buried my best friend, my son, my teacher, my child, my buddy; my brother; my constant companion of eight years this evening. We laid Blocker down on a soft bed of long green pine needles and flowers, on his red comforter, gently surrounded by several lacrosse balls (which he loved so much), good throwing sticks, and pine cones. I had spent the morning, shovel in hand, digging with my friend, Andy, after scouting for a suitable resting place for Block, so graciously afforded to me on a friend’s farm in Delaware (thank you so much, Neal, Al and Amy!) where Blocker had many a run, campover, and pond dive. I found a beautiful spot on a ridge, the sun beating down and the wind whistling above in the pine’s canopy. We dug for several hours, and then came back late afternoon with reinforcements to finish digging, and to bury my sweet boy. Lots of tears. *We covered him with more pine needles and flowers, and cried some more. I couldn’t say goodbye. And then the winds came with the rain. It fit our mood as we started shoveling to fill the grave. The thunder rumbled as God told Blocker to growl at us from the sky, saying, “get a move on, I’ve got things to do!”

My friend Blocker was bigger than life, with a giant heart and personality to go with his golden, oversized shepherd body. He had an amazing, regal presence when he strode towards you. Friends at Goodale Park called him “the Tom Sellack of dogs,” or, sometimes, “the fertile monster.” Gentle, playful, loved little children, his flame burned brightly, and like so many striking beings, his flame burned too quickly. He left this earth before his time.

I don’t know what I’m going to do without him. Right now I don’t feel like doing anything. Caring for his girlfriend, Bella, will keep me going, I suppose. She misses him greatly, too. We’ll keep on keeping on in his memory. As the years pass, I can only hope to be half the man he was as a dog. I am forever blessed, privileged, and grateful for his gifts and presence in my life. For-ever. Forever.

*thanks so much Suzanne (Sweet Dove), Jim, Stephanie, Eric, and Julie for being there and helping dig and lay Block to rest.

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Aug 7th, 2008-
One year ago today life changed forever. My boy Blocker was diagnosed with an unknown illness that day. We fought and prayed and tried for 8 months to save him. He was only seven, a magnificent creature and brilliant light of a soul. I miss him now and forever more. God bless you, my Blocker.

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FATHER’S DAY 2007- This is a sad day for me. This father failed his child. The irony is that his greatest desire was to protect me. That’s the thing about dogs; they’re our children, but they almost immediately want a parental role, to fulfill their instinctual need to guard and protect us. Our children who love us so much they want to be our parents.

I failed to protect Blocker from his environment, from chemicals in his food, from mold, from asbestos, from lawn chemicals, from plaster and paint dust; from whatever it was that compromised his immune system. I don’t know what. I do know I failed.

This is a sad day for me. Fathers, this day is, yes, to honor you. But fathers, to you I say, give thanks for your children.

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June 1, 2007 REMEMBERANCES:

Hey, there. Some wonderful folks are adding their own rememberances to the blog on the “Your Memories” page to the left. Please, we really encourage you to give that gift to him and his life by sending any memories or anecdotes to “blockerthedog@yahoo.com.” Thank you very, very much.
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Weds, May 3, 2007. UPDATES:

Hello, folks. The outpouring of love and support in honor and rememberance of Blocker’s life has been amazing and deeply touching. The page to the left entitled “Thank You All” is our small gesture to express our gratitude, as there’s just not enough room here. And the video clips and photos will be compiled on pages listed on the left as well. Thank you all so much!
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My buddy Andy Harrison’s blog is on the link section, lower left. Nice story about his new found glory, a rescued, running, rumaging rummy.
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Mon, April 29th, 2007. MORE VIDEO & PICTURES OF A YOUNG BLOCKER:

After this last 7 months or so, I want to and need to remember Blocker as he was (healthy and vigorous and magnificent) for the first 8 years of his life. I need to remember him that way instead of how how he was near the end as his symptoms were beating him down. I needs/must remember that energy and joy to honor his spirit for the truth of what his life was for all but these last 7 months. I’ll start posting some of these soon, for my sake.
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Thurs, April 5, 2007, 11AM.

Hello, fine people. Thanks again so much for all your kind words. It is so beautiful and so meaningful to us. Thank you all. But this is just to say I’m going to put up a clip or 2 of our boy Blocker as a puppy, raising heck with his littermates (I’ve know him since the second he was born, you know. I gave him his name, “Blocker,” during his delivery, as he was twice as large as his littermates, and took several hours to squeeze out, blocking his other littermates arrival. In fact, we took Tara to Medvet to get the last pups out, cuz she was done pushing after his fat bottom first plopped to earth.)
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Blocker as a pup, 8 weeks or so. 3 full minutes of gratuitous puppy video. Block enters from the right, and dominates control of the pot. (That’s him with the scrap of paper about 1:15, too.) At the end he rejoins the pot fray as he scampers across the screen from the left; watch where his nozzle ends up– boink! Hilarious luck. Luck, you say? Nay– skill, or fate. Then he scampers up towards the camera, job well done.

The Start Of The Original Postings below:

So many kind folks have taken the time to ask me about my dog, Blocker…

Wednesday, March 28. He’s doing OK today, thank you! Blocker has a yet undiagnosed illness since August. They don’t know the cause yet, but what happens is, because of inflammation on the inside lining of his chest cavity, the cells effuse or release fluid to cool themselves off. The fluid leaks into the chest cavity where his heart and lungs are, which prevents them from expanding normally. So when he fills up with fluid, he can’t breathe well, and his heart can’t beat properly. So I withdraw a liter or so of this fluid from his chest everyday. Keeps him alive, really. After I get the fluid out, he feels pretty good; wants to play ball and frisbee and all. When he fills up again, his breathing gets labored and I pull out the fluid again. I’ve been doing this for months now. Still hoping for a diagnosis, and then a treatment and cure!

I do so very, very much appreciate any and all positive thoughts, prayers, love and energy sent his way, visualizing him in perfect health, like that. I do believe it works, and I really, *really* appreciate it! Thank you again all so much. This is my first day of posting about him, so there’s more to come, everyday. I’ll keep it short, but will put up a video or two!

thanks again,

Tom and Blocker

Bella, on the left (Blocker’s mate, a 5 yr old female) and Blocker going crazy for the hose.

100% Responsibility, (or, Why Am I Doing This?)

Some folks are asking why I’m expending so much time, energy and money caring for Blocker, and trying to find a diagnosis for his illness. I can see how they may not understand, and find it impractical. Even those who are “dog people”, or parents may not understand. Overall, what can I say, it’s just who I am, but there’s more to it. First of all, Blocker would do anything for me. He would die protecting me. If he would give his all for me yet I would not for him, it would not be a reciprocal relationship; I would be exploiting him. Heaven knows we humans exploit animals, and each other, enough. All the time, everywhere you look. We exploit employees, friends, consumers, family. I find dogs inspirational in their devotion and loyalty and I want to honor that rather than exploit it. He deserves it. He’s been riding shotgun with me for 8 years, I watched him being born, he comes to work with me everyday. He’s my sweet big boy.

100% Responsibility. I was raised by incredible parents, who are both my heroes. They had me at a late age, and I’m blessed and astounded by the energy, love, and example they provided me. They were truly amazing people. When my dad was ill, because of my job, I was able to to basically stop working and care for him the last 8 months of his life. My clients at the time were very understanding. Watching mom age those years after dad died, I knew I would remain nearby for her, instead of leaving town in a fit of career-building opportunism. I made the decision to stay in a perhaps unhealthy building in order to be near and help care for her as her physical and mental health declined. The condo I lived in, only 2 blocks from my mom’s house, was incredibly and graciously provided for me while I effectively put my business on hold in order to be available for her, unfortunately might perhaps have serious environmental issues which may have affected Blocker’s health and immune system. All I know is, they can’t find a reason for his illness, he’s only 8 years old, and his siblings, the other pups from his litter, as well as his 13 year-old mother, are all in good health. I very probably did this to him. I’m not saying this to beat myself up about it, just to own it honestly. And in order for me to be honest in life and not run for the victim position, I have to accept full responsibility for all my decisions and actions. Blocker is my responsibility. And I will stand by him.

It’s odd. In the years following my father’s death, as I simultaneously grew my business and watched my mother struggle with aging and health issues, it began to dawn on me that I had a life-choice to make between love-based compassion and fear-based ambition. I knew that one of those paths would entail materialistic compromises but I didn’t suspect my dog’s health would be a part of that. Poop.

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Blocker practicing his patented bucking/grasshopper moves:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwvMk-vv0sg

Blocker and Bella picking corn:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dS-DZSsvGM

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